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Strike Three - You're OUT

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November 17, 2008

Strike Three - You're OUT

Thing 2 is on Strike 2.

Strike 1 was for inappropriate touching of stereo equipment coupled with lying about the inappropriate touching. "I didn't do it." Strike 2 was inappropriate touching of items that belong to parents and should not be touched by little Thing 1 or 2 (it was cleaning solution -- all over the floor).

Two, individual, misdemeanors but the occurrence provided a string of mischief. And what do we do? "If you touch ONE MORE THING which doesn't BELONG TO YOU you will not go to your best friend's birthday party this weekend. GOT IT?". It's hits Thing 1 at the core. Best friend. Part-ay. Loot bags. Sugar. Part of me feels badly that we are manipulating, pulling-rank, blackmailing the whole situation. It's kinda mean.

But Thing 2 is a spirited child. Thing 2 has character. Thing 2 could be a gem one minute and a beast the next. We really, never know, which way the wind will blow Thing 2. Thing 2 acts in-the-moment-in-the-emotion. Thing 2 is unpredictable.

So the blackmailing of the part-ay is really (trying very hard) to teach Thing 2 to look beyond the moment. To learn about actions and consequences. To learn to self-leash those bursting emotions and actions.

Part of me is really worried strike 3 is going to be called. It's very much possible. And we will have to cancel the part-ay because follow through on actions, is apparently, a good thing. (NOTE: I am the obvious weak-link, I break-down, forgive, give one more chance...I feel guilty).

Do you/would you/will you follow through on consequences?

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2 Comments:

At November 18, 2008 at 6:28 p.m. , Blogger michellescuka said...

I am not able to use these types of discipline yet, dd is too young. It is hard to say what I'd do, but I do think it's important that you cater your discipline to your own child and are careful never to use intimidation or withdrawl of love. As long as the child feels safe and loved, I think it is necessary to follow through on consequences. This consequence seems unrelated and a bit far off (timewise) to me, for touching things. I think it has to be kept in mind that children do not think like we do, and don't always disobey because they are trying to make us angry. I think there are situations where they just can't help themselves, it's their nature as a child.
Disclaimer: I don't have experience in this realm yet, only theory and only you know how tough you need to be to discipline your individual children.

 
At November 22, 2008 at 4:47 p.m. , Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the past I have read the following parenting books:
Dr. Thomas Phelan, 1-2-3 Magic;
Barbara Coloroso, Kids Are Worth It!;
Ronald Morrish, Secrets of Discipline
http://www.realdiscipline.com/index.html
(I've recently reread Morrish's "With All Due Respect" for effective school discipline...very good).
I've learned there is a big difference between behaviour management and discipline and I have to say that I prefer the discipline approach to parenting.
Have kids practise the desired behaviour is best, but that can sometimes be tricky to create an oportunity, such as getting Thing 2 to keep hands to herself!
All the best,
Sar

 

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