How much should I pay a babysitter?

From the Parent Club archives (and timely following The Real Babysitting 101 Course post)

We invite you to read one of the top-ten most read Parent Club posts: How much to pay a babysitter?

Here is the question of today Parent Club -- How much do you pay a babysitter?


Some of you may have loverly grandparents who babysit free-of-charge (or siblings/extended family/whatever) - or - some of you may have great neighbours who are willing to watch your kids for a couple of hours for a future return of service.
I have never known a teen babysitter to actually set a fee - they have left it up to me to set a price. I try to overpay -- so that the teenager A.)books me first if ever I call for a babysitting day B.) takes especially good care of my krazy kids C.) I know most of the parents of our babysitters and well, there is a point of not looking cheap...

Click to continue reading (and the comments are full of great tips on paying babysitters!)

Sense and resentenability

I am of two minds these summer days. One mind is much enjoying "Camp Mom" (where I am full-time caring, hangin' and activity-izing my 2 big kids and 1 small babe). It's a good life.
But that other, sneaky and stealth mind is resentful of no "me time".  I miss writing.  I miss networking.  I miss talking with other grown-ups. 

Good Gandhi - growing humans is a rewarding and amazing experience.  I wouldn't trade it for the world (or George Clooney).  And, no I wouldn't want to go back to full-time-out-in-the-world-paid-work and put these 3 humans in daycare.  I do know I have a good life - and am grateful for it.  Staying home with them is a privilege.

But it's also a job.

A big job.

An all encompassing job.

And I struggle to find time to write my Nick of Time column over at yummymummyclub.ca.  And pop in to http://www.fisherpriceplay.ca/ and share dear son's latest milestones.  

And I remind myself that when I wrote about life lessons and re-calculating parenting and mourning a baby...that there is a bigger picture.  And I tend to dwell in the details.

So I push the 2nd sneaky stealth mind to the side.  There will be days and years of "me time" "writing time" and "grown up time" in my future.  Right now, I must appreciate the growing years because I know they fly so fast...

Replays Are Worst Then Real Time

Last night, I took some mashed avacado from my plate and gave a bit to Thing 3 to try (didn't like it).  I left the dinner table to prepare some infant cereal for him only to return at the moment Thing 2 was spooning something into his mouth.

"YOU CAN'T..."

But it was too late.  He started choking and gagging and making that horrible silent choke noise (you know the one) and then he threw up again and again.

"You can't feed him!"  I said.

Thing 2 said she only wanted to help.  ok - said I - you saw he was hungry and you wanted to help but sisters can't decide what babies eat or drink - parents decide what he eats ok?!  ok?!

Everyone was fine and dinner continued.  But I replayed that moment over and over again.  What if I hadn't turned around?  What if she had given him an even bigger spoonful of raw snap peas?    In real time, you react...in replays you re-live...again and again.

And it reminds me once again...I need to go for a CPR course.

Pools, kids and drowning: A Big Reminder!

Did everyone hear the recent U.S. study that found a child drowns in a backyard portable pool once every five days in the summer?  (original study is in the Journal of Paediatrics).

From inflatable pools to wading pools even to in-ground pools - this is a big parent reminder - children should be closely supervised around water.

I learnt this the hard way.

A few years ago, the kids were swimming at a friend's house.  I got out of the water (they were at the edge in the shallow end) to get them towels.  (back up - they were 6 & 8 and had water noodles keeping them up - I wouldn't leave a toddler or baby ever in water).  So I turned just for a minute to get them a towel.

I was right there.

And I turned to see both kids under water - eyes open - near-drowning.  (Thing 2 had lost her noodle - grabbed Thing 1 - who at that exact moment lost her footing and went under with the weight of her sister holding her). 

And I froze.  You would think Mother instinct would set it.  I would jump to save my babies.  And I was just frozen for seconds.  Precious seconds.  I will never forget freezing.  Ever.

Our friend jumped in.  Propped the girls up.  And they were fine. 

The saying "water is a silent killer" is true - because kids don't scream while they go under.  I was right there and I didn't hear a sound.

Keep your kids in arms reach while they enjoy water play this summer.  Take a CPR course (I really need to do this myself). 

Pools should be fun for kids...not deathly.

The morn of four months

Activity du jour: 4 month well baby check up.

Where have these past 4 months gone?!
Some days they were longer than years and other just flew like by like dust fairies in a sunbeam.

Baby Blues, blogs and Breathing

A peek behind the blog...it's blue dear readers. Very blue.

Yes, the baby blues are back in da house this week. So very tired. And sad. And lonely. Amazing since I am hardly ever alone (baby always by my side...or breast...mainly breast...cluster feeds suck - forgive the pun).

And I think to Shrek and onions and how both have layers...just like parenthood. On one layer I am completely blues-ish and on a higher layer I get that I am blues-ish so am doing what I can to push the blues layer under. See. Onions, Shrek and Me. Layers people. Layers.

So you'll notice I'm pimping up Parent Club. Changed the header. Re-formatted the sidebar. It's for my layer. Renovating Parent Club gives my mind and energies somewhere to focus which is good for the soul. It's gives my blues a boost. At least I think it does.

Walks in the sunshine are just as good. But less tangible. With the blog I can say "See I put in a new header!" It is a thing-done. Whereas a walk is a thing-experienced. Both good against the baby blues.

As is breathing. Deep breathing. Knowing the baby blues is a normal, hormonal, mom-moment. Just keep breathing and it will pass.

Right?

---

If you've got the blues...I recommend the #zombiemoms over at twitter. A great bunch of pregnant, new and seasoned parents up day or night. Put that hashtag at the end of a tweet and watch a community come alive.


I wrote about the baby blues HERE (and merci again for all the comments and support and virtual hugs)

Actions Vs Consequences

The other day school called*.

School: Hello Madame, Thing 2 seems to have forgotten snow pants today.
Me: Hi Madame, Thing 2 chose not to take snow pants today.
School: Well, she has no snow pants for recess...
Me: Then I guess she will be cold today.
School: Yes.
Me: Ok then, have a nice day.
click

Lesson in Actions Vs. Consequences here my friends. Forget to take your snow pants and you're going to be cold. Now, I could have dropped everything and rushed snow pants. I was close to doing it (but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades right?**). I would rush for a fever. For a hurting tummy. Even a headache. But for snow pants. No. That is my rushing stopping point. Because kids do need to learn about responsibility (I reminded Thing 2 to take snow pants in the morning. The fact that snow pants were not taken. That was a choice. Or a forgot. Either way it was Thing 2's action (or non-action). Actions Vs Consequences is a life skill.

Snow pants are the learning vehicle.

*that call was in French. and I was nursing at the time. so text may not be exactly verbatim. **that's a famous expression. really. google it. no hand grenades were used in writing this post.

SuperMom is dead. | YMC Post

I, again, send you over to my Yummy Mummy Club column to read a post which I believe hits home to many Moms..."SuperMom is dead. I killed her."

The SuperMom myth (falsely and so wrongly) tells us we can "do it all and have it all". Uh-huh, sure we can...and we can go insane trying...and be miserable while getting there.

She was a bad role model. Perfectly clean house. Perfectly behaved kids. Perfectly satisfied spouse. Perfectly balanced life. I had to kill her. SuperMom (and her myth) had to go into the diaper genie where they belonged.

Click HERE to continue reading...and comment below if you're ready to kill your personal SuperMom too.

Play ground or paycheck? | YMC post

I would love to read your thoughts about my recent YMC post: Play ground or paycheck? The Great Mom Debate. It's a hot topic - stay-home? go to work? and are parents allowed permission to regret their decisions?...

It is a fantastic debate...withdraw from the paid workforce for family care giving or opt-out of the playground years to provide for the family. Katy Read's recent article, "Regrets of a Stay-at-Home Mom" (salon.com) re-sparked the debate of stay-at-home vs work-in-the-world. So what will it be?...play ground or pay cheque?

Click the link to continue reading the article...

Baby Blues over at Yummy Mummy Club

My latest Yummy Mummy Club column on the Baby Blues has hit a cord with readers, tweeps and parenting groups.

This post - which was meant as a "better out than in" emotional release has been praised on twitter and in the comment section:

boomda181: loved your honest article. It will help so many new mommies.

grow_with_me: I read your baby blues post and I could have written it myself word for word.

jenngoddess: I had the baby-blues and thought they would never pass. Give @ParentClub some props for going public with hers...

WonderMoms_ca: Huge Kudos for you talking about it. I am thrilled women talk about "Baby Blues" openly. We use to bottle it up. Pardon the pun.

Meganliddle: Just wanted to say kudos on your baby blues article! Refreshing to see it spoken about so candidly.

aftergloTO: Honest post and brave for sharing. You are not alone.


Click on link to read my Yummy Mummy Club article on the Baby Blues

Getting Baby Ready

Any day now...any day now...there is going to be a blackberry PIN from me saying "Meet me at the hospital" (don't you love technology?!). Thing 3 shall soon be here.

And no we don't have names picked out (this time round - we are either very laid back or extremely lazy). And the hospital bag is half packed (why be keeners?). Yes, there is a car seat - of course it's not actually in the car - but its on hand and that's the important thing right? right?

I think we lost our naïveté about getting ready for babies sometime during the Thing 2 projectile vomit stage in our lives. You can never be ready. For babies.

Oh that first hospital bag we packed so many years ago - what a sight that was...

extra pillows

music

kleenx

big honkin' video camera

address book

pjs & slippers for me

newborn clothes

magazines

snacks

make-up bag (ba-haha!)

shampoo, soap, towel

This time round (this LAST time round) we are simplifying. No frosting. No extras. It's Basic Baby 101 here. And it actually is a relief.

The lack of sleep is stressful enough...it is not time to sweat the small stuff.

My Child Has Chicken Pox

"Chickenpox or chicken pox is a highly contagious illness caused by primary infection with varicella zoster virus (VZV).[1] It usually starts with vesicular skin rash mainly on the body and head rather than at the periphery and become itchy, raw pockmarks, which mostly heal without scarring."--Wikipedia

Timeline:

Wednesday: bad cough through the night
Thursday: stay home from school bc of cough
Friday: still home from school
Saturday: feeling better but coughing
Sunday: can go out but cough still there
Monday: enough already! Go to doctor for cough - throat swab for strep done
Tuesday: school. cough gone. happy dance.
Wednesday: spot on lower abdomen. Probably hasn't had a shower. Go to school
Wednesday night: hmmm...11 spots now.
Thursday: back to doctor. Strep throat results: moderate strep - prescription for pencilling given. Spots are probably a skin reaction to something.
Friday: at doctor's AGAIN. Those spots have blistered. CHICKEN POX. 24 exactly
Friday night: 51 pox.

And there is a whole sidestory about how I'm 9 mos pregnant and am 85% sure I had chicken pox as a child (didn't everyone of my generation have chicken pox?!) but a little worried that my childhood memories aren't completely right and late pregnancy + chicken pox = complications. I could go into my dash to get a blood test to see if I'm immune. The considering a "plan" in case other child develops them in the next few weeks and I give birth (baby can't come home to chicken pox).

There is all that...but really dear readers...I am overwhelmed tired...and uncomfortably pregnant...and need to run an oatmeal bath for the child formerly known to you all as Thing 1 - but now referred to as "Spot".

Chicken pox advice and virtual hugs accepted in the comment section...

Bullying, Kids & KidsHelpPhone

I remember a boy, in elementary school - a grade above me, who was bullied. Really badly bullied. Like jacket ripped bullied. Like moved to tears bullied. Like isolated from the whole school bullied. He must have gone through hell.

Parent Club recently had the opportunity to interview Shawna Ginsberg, a counselor, at Kids Help Phone to discuss bullying & kids. No one ever wants to see their kids being bullied...but if it happens perhaps this information can help.

Parent Club: What is a parent to do when they see their child bullied at school?

Shawna Ginsberg:

Empathize with your child, but don't encourage them to be a victim. Instead, build on their strengths by asking them what they have already tried, and making other suggestions.

Are other adults that they trust aware of the problem? Teachers? Guidance counsellor? Coach? Have they helped to end the harassment?

Support them to be involved in their choices and making decisions about how they handle the problem. This empowers them and thus builds confidence and resiliency.

Encourage different peer interactions with different groups of people. This is a great way to make friends, instead of sticking with one person or one peer group.

Things to remember...

you are not alone - many young people struggle with these issues (check out the posts under bullying at http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/AskUsOnline.aspx )

do what is right (carrying a weapon, or throwing a punch might get you into trouble.)

keep your cool whenever possible

share your feelings with people you trust

it's not your fault - no one deserves to be abused.

it is okay to ask for help.

I don't know what happened to that boy in elementary school. As a grown up, looking back, I feel so badly for him. He must have felt so powerless. So alone. No child should have to feel that way about going to school.

KidsHelpPhone.ca is a FREE Canadian service for counselling for kids & teens with options to speak live with a counsellor, ask a question on line or read their articles. Open 24/7 and bilingual it is a great resource for kids (and Parents - you can "get-in-the-know" on their site too).

This post is NOT sponsored - we really feel that Kids Help Phone is an important service to share with the Parent Club.

Extreme Delivery: please stop

This week I've heard too many delivery stories...and...I...just...can't...anymore.

Like the one who gave birth to a +10 lb healthy baby. (Advice: never tell a 8 1/2 month pregnant woman a story about a +10 lb baby. It makes us sore).

And the one about the woman who went in to be induced only to find out the baby's heart wasn't beating. And she still had to deliver. And then plan a funeral. (Advice: never tell a 8 1/2 month pregnant woman a story about delivering a dead infant. It breaks our heart)

And I get that you might not have known/read me when I was Mourning A Baby. And that seeing my great belly may bring about bouts of verbal diarrhea. But people please take read that link and then take some verbal imodium because I don't want to hear extreme delivery stories. Anymore.

Even though I'm not a first time mother...I'm still friggin' nervous. I wonder about health and genetics and development and...yes...delivery. And your stories do not help. At. All.

On 10 years of Momhood: Would June be proud?

October 16 I celebrated 10 years of Momhood (would that be a momaversary?).

10 years since I had Thing 1. Ironically the same day Barbara Billingsley, the actress who played June Cleaver died (and we all know I have June Cleaver issues).

Leave it to Beaver was in re-runs when I was growing up but the impression - well made an impression. June is my ideal Mom. I wonder if I've done her proud?

Because what I've learned in the past 10 years goes against June-isms...

• June was a happy stay-at-home Mom. Nowadays, Moms are never happy - whether they are at home or at work. At home - you wish you had something for yourself. At work - you wish you had more time with your kids. (I think June drank)
  
• June always had her hair done,wore heels and pearls. Nowadays, the Mom uniform is pony-tail, yoga pants and sneakers. My mother-in-law told me once I should put lipstick on in the afternoon so my prince could come home to a nice looking woman. I've yet to take that advice.
  
• June had a spotless house. I have a spot for laundry. It's on the floor. Over there.
  
• June made pot roast on Tuesday nights. I make chicken nuggets and serve raw carrots as we run out the door to soccer, karate, *insert kid activity here*.
  
• June was always smiling and calm. I'm not-so-much. (see my theory on June drinking above)

In my 10 years of Momhood I have learned, smiled, shared, ranted, listened, played, laughed and loved.

hmmm...looks like June and I have something in common afterall!

Not everyone gets an invitation: She's Connected & birthday parties

If you aren't into social media - keep reading anyway - because I'd love to hear your comments about how we live in a world where not every kid is invited...

This past weekend twitter was all a-twitter about the upcoming She's Connected Conference (a conference "connecting with 100 of Canada’s most influential women in a one day event" - for transparency - yes, I was invited).

The issue: there was a limit for 100 attendees. Digital peeps had to apply with their stats on connectiveness (# of twitter followers, blogs, websites, etc).

Popular digital lady - Cocktail Deeva wrote a post (which I agree with)about the conference and not feeling bad about attending (give it a read).

Brands are looking to get their message out to the greatest number of people. If you had the choice between someone who has two readers Vs. two thousand - wouldn't you want the one with two thousand?

We live in a world where not everyone gets an invitation. It's a fact of life.

Thing 2 is about to celebrate a birthday in 5 days. This year, we decided 2 friends could be invited for a cool outing (I'll share that experience next week). Only 2 friends. (budget limitations + I'm really, significantly pregnant and don't feel up to hosting a gaggle of screaming kids chez moi).

Apparently, only 2 invitations caused drama amongst the 'usual invitees'. Such drama - that the teacher had to have a sit down with the class and discuss the fact that not everyone gets an invitation - and that's OK.

Now, let's think of the She's Connected drama - grown-ups were getting upset because they weren't invited. Same issue. Different age.

ASIDE:

Just because you aren't going to something doesn't mean you should call "UNFAIR" - get creative and act. For example:

Back in August, another digital lady - Maria, (amotherworld) was creative and hosted a twitter #NotGoingToBlogHer party because she (and many others - including moi) weren't attending BlogHer.

And upcoming, is Blissdom Canada (and again, for transparency - I am attending - thanks to sponsorship from Foundation Studio). Many aren't attending that event either - but are arranging to join in after-parties instead.

...those 10 year olds could call and have a separate play date with the birthday kid...those grown ups can have an #NotGoing event on their own.

Not every kid gets an invitation - it's a fact of life. Is this a teachable moment or a reason to make waves?

More on Silly Bandz

Recently, I was quoted in a Toronto Star article "Silly Bandz frenzy invades Canadian schoolyards" by Kristin Rushowy.

Do you know about Silly Bandz? They are basically silicone braclets - in various shapes (flowers, microphones, Justin Bieber - yes really, etc...) and they are THE fad de jour.

My quotes reads as:

Caroline Fernandez first heard of Silly Bandz in August when her kids were at summer camp and a counsellor gave them out. Now, they’re everywhere.

Just last week, one daughter was late for the morning bus while she searched for her bands “because she had to take them to school,” said Fernandez, blogger and founder of parentclub.ca.

At their school, kids wear the Silly Bandz in bunches on a metal ring, hung on their belt loops.

“I have taken a stance on this one . . . all of their Silly Bandz have been paid directly from their tooth fairy bank,” said the mother of two children.

(Forgive me re-quoting myself here - just providing reference for those who didn't see the article)

Do you know about Silly Bandz? Do you have an opinion? There is an interesting article in Businessweek about The Man Behind the Bandz that may be of interest to you.

In my opinion, Silly Bandz is a silly fad...like Pokémon cards, go-gos, Tamagotchis and scratch-n'-sniff stickers (ok - perhaps I'm dating myself with scratch-n'-stiff stickers). And like all kid-powered-fads, I doubt the Silly Bandz life will be too long.

[And may I point out an aside: have you ever seen a commercial or print ad for Silly Bandz? I haven't. This "fad" seems to have blown in on the same magical wind used by Mary Poppins - unknown yet powerful]

As stated in my quote: my kids' Silly Bandz are purchased from their Tooth Fairy bank (not my wallet). Should they chose to spend their money on Silly Bandz -- well that's a decision. An informed decision. Because before we're at the check-out, you can be sure I have brought up the fact that their money could be used for a movie or something else kid-friendly (to widen their consumer view of the world). They chose to buy Silly Bandz - and I chose not to micro-manage this choice.

I do think fads like these can be a distraction in the classroom. Teachers - confiscate away should they be disrupting! There's a life-lesson there too - there is a time and place for everything.

What do YOU think of Silly Bandz and kid fads?

Dear Tooth Fairy: WHERE ARE YOU?

Last week, over in my Yummy Mummy Club column I wrote about When an activity goes bad...fib which sparked many a comment on YMC's Facebook page.

Specifically, the section that read:

La petite souris was supposed to come. (La petite souris* = the tooth fairy). Tooth fell out at school. Tooth went under pillow. Some magical creature should come get that tooth right? Except the magical creature in our house...well...fell asleep. Upon seeing the tooth, still under the pillow the next morning, the toothless child cried. And I fibbed.

"Honey, la petite souris gets teeth in tooth order. This is the 10th tooth you've lost - so you are number 10 on her pick-up list. When it's your 1st tooth - she comes first to your house because the first tooth is really something! But by the time you lose your 10th tooth, she knows you understand she will come (because she always comes right?!) so she does the other's kids first and then comes for your tooth. You're probably next on her pick up list."

The Facebook and blog comments all shared various stories of how the tooth fairy forgot to come...and how parent's dealt, explained and fibbed their way out of it. You just can't trust fairies!

So, all this Tooth Fairy business led me to dig up a letter I, myself, wrote to said fairy - when I was a child.



Raise your hand if the Tooth Fairy forgot to visit your house...perhaps we could get a group therapy rate...

Why courtesy classes should come with kids

Courtesy classes should come with kids...but not for the kids...for the parents. The few rude parents. Amazing how we teach our kids to behave (daily - sometimes hourly!) yet we leave our own good behaviour at the playplace door.

Case in point, the other day we took the kids to see The Karate Kid (aside: very good family movie - though the word a$$ is used twice which presented two giggle opportunities for Thing 2). Back to the movie -> in the theatre there were two, separate, parents (sitting at opposite sides of the theatre) talking on cell phones during the movie. RUDE! One does not talk on the phone during a movie. What kind of etiquette is that?

Other case in point, at the Karate school yesterday -> another parent answered their ringing cell phone and instead of walking away (outside to have a private conversation would have been an idea) - they talked away in the dojo (even though there are signs asking parents to not use cell phones in the class area...apparently some people think talking on a cell phone during a formal class is disruptve...the nerve huh?)

The issue isn't just cell phone use (just my two examples) - it is that parents are simply lacking courtesy to-the-greater-world. We teach our kids to behave, be respectful, talk quietly yet we play by a whole 'nother set of rules.

Courtesy should be common sense...but it seems it is not so much.

Keeping Cool

Summer heat can be an activity buster...here are a few ideas for keeping cool...

• Visit a local library (air conditioning and books - what is better? My kids love to be able to sit at the computers and play webkinz...I like that the computers automatically log them off after 30 minutes).
  
• pool, splash pad, sprinkler (water is cooling - but remember sun screen and shade)
  
• movie day (there is nothing wrong with spending ONE afternoon inside watching a film)
  
• tourist trap (visiting a local tourist attraction can be fun...it can also be air conditioned)
  
• play in the evening (evenings are cooler so stay quiet during the day and hit the park after dinner)